Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Problem With Beauty

I've dated some beautiful women, with decidedly unproductive results. I can't say there were a lot of them, I think I can count on one hand. I am after all not the most handsome person in the world and of course handsome women are most attracted to handsome men, preferably handsome men with a lot of money. Although in many cases the money could come first, then followed by the handsomeness! I possess a fair amount of both, but not an excessive amount of either. I digress.
So why haven't those relationships been more productive? I always had a lot of fun, with some more than others but there was never any hope of a lasting relationship. I argue that this was mostly due to the women, or rather the character traits of the women which stack the odds against a long-term relationship with someone like myself. Women that are beautiful seem very prone to major insecurities about their looks, with several negative personality traits to follow.
The first of course is vanity, an excessive obsessive with ones own looks. How can you sustain interest in another person when you are obsesses with how you look? I once dated an actress who was quite beautiful but she couldn't pass a mirror, or even plate glass for that matter, without stopping to look at herself, including admiring her ass. That being said, she had a sweet ass! She was into this Bikram yoga which appears to develop really tight asses, as well as flexibility in ways maybe only a man can appreciate! Although I doubt that the real reason for the yoga.
The second is unrealistic expectations. Men are a bunch of drooling idiots for a hot babe. They embarrass me sometimes, although I can't say I don't understand the reaction as I've been given to foolishness around a hot babe myself. I used to play tennis in an indoor tennis league. The courts had a glass enclosed walkway above one end, if a hot babe in spandex walked by (as if women were spandex at a fitness club to pick up guys) play would inevitably halt to gaze admiringly upon the woman. As much as I may revile the behavior of men it turns out I am a man after all, although I honestly say I was ever one of the guilty ones holding up play. Mostly I found it annoying. Think about it though, we make calendars of hot babes, we whistle at them, we stare at them, when we walk by them we turn around and stare at their asses, we smile at them, we admire their breasts, we buy porn with them in it and imagine the sex vicariously with us, we act like different people around them because God Forbid we should act like ourselves, then they wouldn't like us! This seems to have the effect on beautiful women where they come to expect such behavior from men around them, it's like an endless flattery that distorts their view of themselves (see vanity above) and their view of any meaningful relationship with a man. They come to expect that any man in their life will also parade before them an endless stream of flattery and adulation. Of course no man can sustain such behavior indefinitely. While we may be given to moments of it, even extended periods of time with the right woman, eventually we'll get tired and treat them the way we would treat any other woman we are with, whether handsome or not. Usually this means we'll treat them badly as most men don't know how to treat a woman with respect, reverence, honesty and integrity. Of course our bad behavior also becomes somewhat a reflection of the bad behavior of the woman, we see they are shameless in their need for worship and in time we find that repulsive, because it is, and so lose respect for them and any hope of perpetuating the relationship. A real relationship between a man and a woman is based on trust, honesty, integrity, respect, these are real dimensions, beauty is an unreal dimension.
A third characteristic of these women is their poor self esteem. Most hot babes work really hard to accentuate their beauty, starting with makeup but extending to perfume, clothes and of course surgery on various parts of their body, breasts in particular, to maximize their "hotness". See vanity and unrealistic expectations above. This inevitably leads them to a poor opinion of their true self, the one that wakes up in the morning with puffy eyes, smelly armpits, stinky breath and messed up hair. They don't like that person, but that is really who they are because it's the real person, sans all the effort to appear as someone else. It's very difficult to have a relationship with someone who doesn't truly like themselves, as they have trouble truly liking anyone else. Love begins with yourself, if you are challenged to love yourself then you will be really challenged to love another person. The man you really want in your life is the one who can roll over to your side of the bed in the morning, or even better be snuggling with you already, and tell you he loves you, even though the breath that comes out of his mouth might be less than floral. A woman with poor self esteem will not let the man even do that because they will either resist his advances or be out of bed before such opportunity arises to "primp" themselves in preparation for any such false exchanges. What is love if you can't exchange "I love you's" with bad breath?
It seems there may be more elements worthy of discussion here but these 3 seems to be the major ones, the others could be placed within the context of one of the above. For example, it seems most beautiful women are fundamentally unhappy and dissatisfied with life and with themselves. True happiness comes from within and is not based on external stimuli. A woman who needs a certain view of her body to be "happy", or needs men in her life to behave towards her in certain ways to be "happy" will never be truly happy, for in time her body with thoroughly disappoint her and so will be the case with the men as well. Nothing lasts forever.
So why do beautiful women (and even a lot of ugly women for that matter) fall into these patterns so easily? Why do men fall even more easily into the associated patterns of their behavior?
As you know books have been written about it but I believe it can be summed up in one word: evolution. As much as we would like to think we are advanced and beyond our evolutionary instincts, how we've risen above our primal instincts and conquered the world and ourselves through rational, logical, developed thought I believe we mostly still act like animals, instinctual in nature. I think a quick glance at the world scene would confirm this, for in many cases violence or the threat of violence is still used to settle many disputes. It is still considered a viable "last resort", which basically means we are still going to act like animals in the end if things aren't going our way using more "rational" techniques. We are still animals.
How does this bear on the subject of beautiful women? Easy, beautiful women are desired as mates, they are seen as fertile, they are connected with our ability to procreate and further life on earth, which in the end is the most powerful impulse we have, without it we would soon pass away. So I suppose it's not all bad, but it certainly does screw up (no pun intended) our ability to sustain relationships with women, particularly women who are beautiful. The beautiful woman is desirable for her features related to child-bearing, oh the breasts that our children will suckle (or us for that matter!), oh the ass that will bear our children (that we can admire and fondle of course!), oh the belly that will nurture the developing life (that we can rest our head upon!)! It's all good! And it's all related to procreation. As men, and women, we may try and deny it - but it's the truth. It also explains why men grow tired of a woman, no matter her beauty or otherwise, because in possessing more than one woman we provide even more security for our seed and ultimately life on earth. This is the way it is in nature among almost all animals and the way it was for us in cave man times. It's the rare man that can rise above these instincts and appreciate the real beauty of a woman and appreciate devoting their interest and attention to a single woman. I would like to think I'm that type of man, but alas success eludes me, particularly with the beautiful women!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Animal House

If your new flame says her last 5 boyfriends were all assholes, and
the failure of the relationship was always their fault... RUN... very
fast, the other way!

dude 2

Meet The Fockers...

We have decided that an essential tactic when meeting a new woman
that you are interested in is to meet the parents right away! And not
just for a quick dinner... Try to hang there for a day, doing various
things and observing. If you see signs of strange dynamics within the
family, you might want to run fast... the other way!!

svendgali & alexorama